Java Performance Tuning

Java(TM) - see bottom of page

|home |services |training |newsletter |tuning tips |tool reports |articles |resources |about us |site map |contact us |
Tools: | GC log analysers| Multi-tenancy tools| Books| SizeOf| Thread analysers| Heap dump analysers|

Our valued sponsors who help make this site possible
JProfiler: Get rid of your performance problems and memory leaks! 

Training online: Concurrency, Threading, GC, Advanced Java and more ... 

Javva The Hutt February 2004

Get rid of your performance problems and memory leaks!

Modern Garbage Collection Tuning
Shows tuning flow chart for GC tuning

Java Performance Training Courses
COURSES AVAILABLE NOW. We can provide training courses to handle all your Java performance needs

Java Performance Tuning, 2nd ed
The classic and most comprehensive book on tuning Java

Java Performance Tuning Newsletter
Your source of Java performance news. Subscribe now!
Enter email:

Training online
Threading Essentials course

Get rid of your performance problems and memory leaks!

Back to newsletter 039 contents | All Javva's articles

Diary of a Hutt

November 13. 6Point called me over to look at something on his screen. Of course it is almost impossible to see anything on 6Point's screen, it always looks like spider footprints to everyone apart from 6Point, because he uses the smallest readable font for everything in his system. Which for his screen is 6 point fonts. Have you ever tried reading stuff at a size of 6 points? Try it with some text. You have to be mentally deranged to want to have your screen display almost everything at a 6 point resolution. Mentally deranged or a hard core programmer: it often seems to me that the gap between these two types is not large. So anyway, I tried to peer at 6Point's screen. Then I came closer and tried again. When my face was close enough to the screen that the spider footprints started to blur because I was too close, I gave up. "What are you showing me 6Point?". Some people spend too long with computers if you ask me. They begin to take on the ability of a computer to respond exactly to the instruction given rather than the impart the information really needed to handle the issue. "That" was 6Point's response, pointing to his screen. "Yes, but what is that?" I asked. "The third section in the browser" was his hugely informative reply.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm up for a challenge just as much as the next guy. But sometimes you have to know when to quit and cut your losses. Doubtless the page on display was fascinating, perhaps earth shattering. But I wasn't going to find out here. Nevertheless, I gave it a lateral try, just in case there was something important there. "Gotta go to a meeting now 6Point, could you email me the URL?" I said, leaving his cubicle. See that? I must be true management material. If you don't understand something, tell them to send it to you in email.

The URL was in my inbox by the time I got back to my desk. The URL turned out to be for a news item from the local news. Reading it inspired my admiration for accurate reporting. In essence it said that one "Havva the Jutt" had been arrested by agents of a non-specific government agency for suspicion of plotting to steal a top secret laptop, and for conspiring with terrorists to cause mayhem with some plot called "the golden goat project". A "colleague" who worked with "Havva the Jutt" was also interviewed, and was quoted as saying "He was always very a shifty character, no one around here trusted him. He weaseled his way into the security system once and was investigated for accessing some confidential information but managed to lie his way out of the investigation. I'll be glad to see the back of him". The journalist attributed to reporting this almost 100% incorrect newsitem was "Rosencrantz N. Guildenstern". I say almost 100% incorrect, because although he got the wrong person; spelled that wrong person's name incorrectly; reported the wrong crime; reported a fictional conspiracy; and reported the wrong name for that fictional conspiracy; nevertheless he did manage to get correct that it was a "non-specific government agency". One thing that really bothered me was that the name of the journalist was somehow familiar. I just couldn't pin down why.

November 20. BigMouth reminded me that Weevil had once invited Rosencrantz N. Guildenstern to one of our departmental events. Apparently Weevil knew him from some group or other, and liked to boast about how he had an "in" with the local news. So, of course, now the source of the incorrect news item was obvious. I had suspected Weevil before in any case, as the person with the facts and the motive, so this just confirmed it. Still, not much I could do about it. Several departments had been having a good laugh about the news report, and more than one internal website now featured a picture of me in one of those "Wanted, Dead or Alive" posters.

November 27. Ugh, Agent Thing1 and Thing2 have scheduled an appointment with me next week. Bloody Weevil, I'm sure this is down to something he's done.


Javva The Hutt.

Back to newsletter 039 contents

Last Updated: 2022-11-29
Copyright © 2000-2022 All Rights Reserved.
All trademarks and registered trademarks appearing on are the property of their respective owners.
Java is a trademark or registered trademark of Oracle Corporation in the United States and other countries. is not connected to Oracle Corporation and is not sponsored by Oracle Corporation.
RSS Feed:
Trouble with this page? Please contact us