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Back to newsletter 113 contents | All Javva's articles

It's been a while since I was a manager, I forgot all the excellent bits of helpful mandatory HR hoops that I have to jump through. I have a nice list. I started with the mandatory form filling, followed by the mandatory resetting the system to accept my mandatory change in status and my mandatory work review entries for myself and my underlings. Then there was the mandatory getting locked out of the system followed by the mandatory "it's not our system, there is nothing wrong with it" helpful support info, followed by the mandatory bashing my head against a brick wall until I have desensitised myself to the mandatory requirement to stop thinking and become a mandatory drone accepting the HR line of mandatory big brother thinking. I have now "enhanced my capability to accept Change Management within the Group", and "implemented the Divisional Support Structure Obligations for my team" whilst still "complimenting my ability to Absorb and Support Group Policies". Hey ability, you're darn fine!

OH ... MY ... GOD! It's a recession, how on earth is it possible for any organisation to have so much money to pump into HR for them to generate this illiterate drivel. Arbitrary capitalisations? Didn't we leave the 80s over twenty years ago! Ridiculous mission statements? Puh-lease can someone make Lucy Kellaway "MANDATORY" reading for HR. Misusing "complimentary" instead of "complementary"? Call me a pedant, but if you can't use the darn word properly, why are you writing such publicly available "mandatory" reading!

All in all, standard management procedures. Hopefully, I'll survive the headbanging so that I can get on with real work. Or maybe I'll succumb to meetingitis where all my time gets sucked into a vortex of agendas and powerpoint slides with 23 bullet points per page carefully read out one by one by the presenter while everyone checks their blackberry for any other meetings they've got to quickly leave for. Maybe I've died and this Hell, only no one told me? That would at least explain why Weevil seems to be loving all this paperwork. I actually had to ask him how to get one set of status forms upgraded, he was only too delighted to help me, loudly, smirking, driveling on to everyone in earshot how they just don't seem to train managers as thoroughly as they used to. Shoot me now, it would be kinder.

BCNU - Javva The Hutt. (LinkedIn profile feel free to connect me, my email as javva@ this java performance domain).

Back to newsletter 113 contents

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